If your family is anything like mine, it's an effort to get the whole family together to actually sit down for a meal together... let alone have meaningful conversation! Trying to squeeze dinner between sports, Kids Club, and piano lessons is a challenge. Family mealtimes are even more difficult to pull together in the summer!

In just the past decade, the family meal seems to be struggling for survival in too many of our homes. Yet when we were growing up, isn't that where we learned table manners, social graces, intergenerational conversation skills? Plus we had forty minutes to regroup as a family and discuss all that had happened during the day. Even clearing the table and washing the dishes (by hand!) with my sisters was an important bonding time.

And now studies from Harvard and Columbia University have supported what our mothers and grandmothers have always known instinctively, that the security and stability of the family meal together is a primary factor in the prevention of childhood obesity, teen substance abuse and poor academic performance. As parents, we need to make an intentional choice to eat dinner together with our family. It doesn't have to be long nor fancy! And summer time is a great time to focus on meaningful mealtimes! Just sit down together-it can be at your kitchen table, picnic table or on the beach! Just be thankful, eat (politely) and have good conversation!

So here are a few tips (including a few good manners!) that may help your family have more meaningful meals together this summer... and help your family get ready for National Manners Month in September!

1. Include the whole family (if possible) in helping to set the table and prepare the meal! Kids love to help... they just need to be shown what to do!
2. Turn off the TV and put all Games Boys, Play Stations, IPODS and newspapers away.
3. Don't even be tempted to answer the phone.
4. When my daughter was three, every night she asked, "Could we have atmosphere tonight?" That meant candles! Candles meant special! Candles are very inexpensive, but what a difference they make-cutting out distractions and helping you to focus on each other!
5. Have good conversation. If you want more than just "yes" or "no" answers from your kids, try asking questions that are more specific. Rather than, "Did you have a good day?" ask "What did you do at recess today?" or "Who did you play with today?" or "What was your favourite thing at camp?" Include Dad and the kids in the conversation. Then, make sure you LISTEN to their answers. Look at the person who is answering your question... and really LISTEN. If you're a good listener, people will think that you're a brilliant "conversationalist!" Three secrets to meaningful relationships in a high tech society are: "loving eye contact... loving words... and loving touch!" It's amazing what getting down to a child's eye level can do-looking them directly in their eyes when you talk to them, speaking loving words and giving them a big hug... or pat on the back!
6. Play "The Family Conversation Question Game!" Slip a QUESTION CARD under each family member's plate which is to be answered during the meal. Questions such as: "When was the best birthday party you ever had?" "How did you and Daddy meet each other?" "What was the funniest prank you ever played on someone?" These questions sure get some great conversation and stories going!
7. Ask each family member to bring a good joke to the table! Nothing dissolves stress and conflict like a good laugh!
8. Good table manners help conversation to be much more meaningful, since you're less distracted by "The Bad Manners Monsters™" like Slobbo Roo, Wiggly Jiggly, Messy Bessy, Grabba Jabba and Whiney Rhino and Grouchy Rouchy!

Here are a few tips to keep The Bad Manners Monsters™ away from your home and dining table...

Wash your hands with soap and water, then come into the kitchen and offer to help! (Mom may have a heart attack from your offer!) Don't start to eat until everyone is seated! Compliment the chef on the meal! Chew with your mouth closed and don't talk with food in your mouth! (No one wants to see it!) Take small bites, in case someone asks you a question! Say "Please" and "Thank you!"... and a quiet "Excuse me" if funny noises happen! Get the chair for your mom and sisters! (99.9% of women love men to be gentlemen!) Don't be in a hurry-enjoy each other! And then... offer to help clean up and do the dishes!

1. If you know someone who is less fortunate or might be lonely-like International Students-invite them to join your family for a meal! Hospitality is a wonderful thing! Plus, your family will benefit from getting to know someone new! Be spontaneous-they're coming to enjoy your family-don't worry about your house or a fancy menu.
2. Finally, make a commitment to eat at least one meal together each day. Even if Dad is going to be late getting home... maybe you can save dessert to eat together as a family.

So instead of drive-through dinners or TV trays, let's be intentional about strengthening our families by making family meal time a priority. Your family will love you for it!